Who let the dogs out?
by DeathbyPanda92
Summary: Terrible one-shot. Absolutely horrible! Naruto gets assigned a new dog to groom and after that chance encounter has that same dog become a house guest. Where the hell is his owner and why isn't he neutered! WARNINGS: SMUT Pairings: SASU/NARU other notes- No, Sasuke is not the dog in the description above. Just thought I'd mention that. I'll do a werewolf fic later.


A/N: So this, was one of those terrible ideas you end up writing anyway and judge yourself on for the rest of your life. But, I had to wash my dog yesterday (taking advantage of the fact my aunt is a dog groomer and she has all the stuff for it) and this terrible idea popped in my head and I couldn't work on anything else until I wrote this. I apologized for how bad it is. Review if you want… but honestly I don't expect anyone to like this terrible, terrible one-shot. Except maybe the smut. And I don't care for the title-but screw it.

Who let the Dogs out?

Naruto bobbed his head in time with the music and tapped his fingers along the steering wheel to the song on the radio while softly singing the words to himself. He pulled up to the red light in time to do the drum solo. The light turned green and he stepped on the gas and went forward again.

Naruto was currently at work headed to his next stop. Ever since he'd gotten a job as a mobile dog groomer (which also included cats) Naruto felt as though he had the best job in the world. I mean, who wouldn't love to play with dogs all day? Especially once they were clean and smelling good. Naruto had been assigned a new dog today and was actually afraid. The last groomer quit just so they wouldn't have to ever groom this dog again. Naturally, the dog got passed off to Naruto because he was still cheerful about his job and the blonde was probably about to lose his joy.

Naruto pulled up to the driveway and hopped out and immediately heard the barking. Judging by the sound, this was a big dog. Naruto got his van plugged in and all hooked up ready for the dog. The blonde steadied himself and walked up to the door and knocked. The barking increased vis joust and Naruto grew hesitant, but at the same time wasn't going to run away. Nope. This dog was getting a bath.

"Shut up!" A voice yelled from inside and a very pale thin looking man opened the door. Naruto peeked inside the house and saw an all black dog and then back to the person who had opened the door.

"You're not the usual guy..." The man pointed out.

"No, he no longer works for the company." Naruto said scratching the back of his head.

The man shrugged. "If you do a bad job and piss my boyfriend off you'll be out of a job as well." The man tossed the leash uncaring lay at Naruto, who it seemed would be catching said dog.

"What's the dogs name?"

"Chidori." The guy said as he sauntered away.

Narutohad the leash ready and stared at the dog who was glaring at him. Naruto had an a pain in the ass of a dog at home too. He knew the type. Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled a treat out and held it in an open palm and remained calm. The dog stepped forward and took the treat cautiously and Naruto clipped the leash.

"You're not so bad." Naruto said and stroked the long smooth fur. Now that Naruto could get a good look at him, Naruto saw it was an all black German Shepard with beautiful brown eyes that were conveying trust towards him.

"Come on Chidori, lets go take a bath!" Naruto said and the dog pulled Naruto out of the house.

"You're very high strung and verryyyyyyy strong Chidori." Naruto said trying to get the dog inside the van. "Doesn't your Daddy take you for walks?" Naruto asked making a face. Naruto found that Chidori was ok with getting wet, it was the drying that caused hell to come upon him. Naruto got Chidoris teeth brush and the blonde was thoroughly exhausted from wrestling the now clean and calm dog. Naruto got Chidori back on his leash and checked the dogs nails noting they didn't need to be clipped this week. Naruto pulled the strong dog back over into the house and knocked on the door and the same man as before opened it except he was now holding a miniature poodle who was barking and baring its teeth.

"Here's Chidori..." Naruto said un clipping the leash and watching as the dog took off into the house.

"Kay. Here's Pookie." The man said trying to pass the dog off to Naruto and the dog snarling and tried to bite.

"My appointment booking only said one dog here, and I did one dog." Naruto said blankly.

"Well, you're supposed to do both." The man said.

"Nope. Pretty sure it said only one dog needed to be groomed. I can check my appointment book and confirm, but I have another dog to do and I'm not supposed to be late." Naruto said in a bored tone.

"BABE!"

"What." A man snapped back at the whining sound.

"Did you only schedule Chidori to get washed?"

"Yes."

"Well why didn't you schedule a bath for Pookie!? He stinks!"

"I am not paying for your dog. At all. You want him clean give him a bath or pay for a groomer." The man yelled back.

The couple started yelling at one another until the man holding the demon purse sized poodle slammed the door and told Naruto to just leave. Naruto did just that unhooking the van and hopping in to call his boss and tell him what happened.

"Iruka, should I just leave?"

"Yes, they can clear their account before the next appointment. They always do this... I am sorry you had to listen to it. Go on to your next stop." Iruka instructed.

A few weeks had passed since that awkward encounter. They hadn't paid the balance owed, so Naruto hadn't returned. Naruto was out at a dog park with his dog, who was actually in a good mood. Kyuubi. Naruto was the proud owner of a beautiful red golden retriever. Kyuubi wasn't your typical dog and thought of herself as a queen and Naruto treated her as such. She was a fantastic guard dog, although she was terrible at being obedient. She didn't care for the word 'No' when it came to human food.

Naruto had Kyuubi off leash and was playing fetch with her and just like that, Naruto found himself tackled to the ground by another dog who was off leash. Naruto looked up fear stricken at the happy dog, who Naruto recognized as Chidori.

Kyuubi walked over cautiously and Chidori seemed to have noticed her because he turned and looked over in her direction. Naruto grabbed his collar just in case a fight broke out and he got up looking around for anyone chasing him. Chidori happily wagged his tail at Kyuubi who was less than impressed.

"Come on princess. Lets go find his owner." Naruto said through strained muscles now that Chidori was trying to go over to her. Naruto clipped Kyuubi's leashed onto him and she followed baring her teeth at his over excitement. She finally nipped at him and he kept a safer distance. Naruto circled the entire park and it looked as though no one was missing a dog. Naruto pulled Chidori over to his car and grabbed his spare leash changing that one out for Kyuubi's and hooking hers back up to her collar and he threw Chidori in the back and Kyuubi in the front.

Naruto drove over to the house he'd groomed Chidori at and upon getting out of the car, it had become apparent Chidori had managed to break the screen to the front window and got out. Naruto knocked on the front door and waited a good few minutes before accepting no one was home. Naruto shook his head and went back to his car and wrote a note leaving his number as well as his work number letting the owner know the dog was safe. Naruto slipped it in the mailbox along with a few days worth of mail.

Naruto took both dogs back to his place and let them run around in the back yard. He'd check back in a few days if the owner hadn't returned.

A few days passed and Naruto dragged Chidori into the car even with all the whining and howling. Naruto drove back up to the house seeing that the mailbox was overflowing with mail and the window was still open and the screen was hanging. Naruto pulled his cell phone and called the police.

Naruto waited for a squad car to show up and stood angrily. All the mail was an indicator no one was stopping by which means Chidori would have literally been dead had he not broken out. The car pulled up and Naruto greeted them.

"Hello officers." Naruto greeted and the two men in uniform nodded their head at him.

Naruto explained what happened and showed them the dog.

"How do you know the owner Mr. Uzumaki?"

"I groomed Chidori once, but they haven't paid the tab, so I haven't been back since." Naruto answered. The cops accepted it and walked around the perimeter of the house. The back door was open and they proceeded through the house before coming back out.

"No one was inside, but the place isn't disturbed. I don't think there was a break in since the dog seems to be the one who broke the screen to get out. We will notify the owner of the house on the subject and the whereabouts of his dog." One of the officers said with a smile and Naruto returned it.

Naruto checked his phone regularly expecting a call from the owner but never got one. Naruto was driving home from work and swung by the house seeing the screen was back in place and the window fixed. Naruto drove the rest of the way home to get Chidori and bring the rapist dog home. Naruto had noticed Chidori wasn't fixed which had presented an unfortunate problem since his girl wasn't either. So Naruto could only cross his fingers and hope for no puppies.

Naruto pulled up and parked in the driveway and stopped when he noticed a black car parked out in front of his place. The door opened and Naruto tried his best not to looked stupid, but that guy was gorgeous.

"Can I help you.." Naruto said trailing off. Because if he was single Naruto was sure as hell going to try.

"Yeah. Are you Naruto Uzumaki?" The man spoke and Naruto somewhat recalled that voice.

"Yes..." Naruto said trying to pinpoint where he'd heard that voice before.

"Can I have my dog back?"

Ohhhhhhhhh that where he'd heard it. Damn. He's taken.

"Yep." Naruto said while walking toward his front door and he opened it and allowed the man to walk in after him.

"Kyuubi! Pervert!" Naruto yelled and both dogs came running happily. Chidori ran straight up to Naruto and perked up a lot more once he noticed his owner and the dog jumped and stood on his hind legs trying to kiss his owner.

"Chidori!" The man said sternly and the dog jumped back down and sat. The man pet the dog and smirked at him.

"I want you to know your dog is a pervert and a rapist. He gave me zero privacy in the shower, tried to rape my leg and my little girl who had better not be pregnant." Naruto said sternly.

"Sorry... He's a bit much. I'm Sasuke by the way." The man introduced himself.

"Hi Sasuke. So why was you dog left home alone and unattended for a week? I have half a mind to not let you have him back." Naruto said seriously.

"My now ex boyfriend was suppose to take care of him while I was away. Once I got the call from the police informing me of the circumstances... I broke up with him."

"Aw, well that sucks for him..." Naruto said not really all that apologetic.

"Thanks for taking care of him. I know he's a bit of a handful." Sasuke said.

"Nah, he's a great dog... By the way. I'd love to keep grooming him if you paid off his tab..." Naruto said remembering that little tid bit of information.

"So that's why he hasn't been getting a bath. You're his groomer?" Sasuke asked surprised.

"Why yes, yes I am." Naruto said pretty pleased with himself.

"Hn. Well aren't you lucky Chidori. No wonder the idiot insisted on me not dealing with him." Sasuke said with a sultry smirk that sent shivers down Naruto's spine. Sasuke pulled out his wallet and handed Naruto a few hundreds.

"To cover his expenses while you took care of him, the grooming bills and a tip." Sasuke said and then handed Naruto a card," And my number." Sasuke said the. Traced his teeth with his tongue before grabbing his dog by the collar and leaving.

"Kyuubi... How do you feel about getting Chidori as a step brother?" Naruto called to the dog who slunk back inside and hid for a few hours.

Naruto came home from work the next day and rocked back and forth on his heels. Should he call? I mean... Was that too soon? He could pretend he was checking on Chidori... But that was also incredibly lame...

Sasuke who had finished going through his mail stumbled across a note containing Naruto's letter and phone number and was contemplating calling the hot blonde. Sasuke lounged on his couch dialing the numbers over and over again but never hitting call. Sasuke bit his lips and closed his eyes and dialed the number again and pressed call only to be discouraged by the busy signal.

"Damn Teme is on the phone!" Naruto exclaimed! Naruto pouted when he figured it was the bastards exboyfriend. Naruto ran a hand through his hair and sighed," well, I guess you won't have Chidori as a step brother Kyuubi..." Naruto jumped as his phone went off, with the wonderful song Final Countdown By Europe sounding through the room.

"Hello?"

"Hi... Is this Naruto?" A somewhat familiar voice asked.

"Yes... Is this Sasuke?"

"It might be..."

"And how will I know for sure?"

"You could meet me for dinner tomorrow and find out..." The voice said suggestively.

"Or I could hop in the car, drive over to your house, all while we're on the phone and catch you."

"Perhaps you might. Or I could be naked in my bathtub out of sight."

"Well if that isn't a turn on..." Naruto fake sighed and moaned a bit into the phone.

Sasuke for his part had to pull the phone away from his ear because he hadn't gotten any in awhile and that was going to do damage.

"I bet I could figure out a few ways to do just that..."

"Oh really?" Naruto challenged.

"Really..."

"But, it'd only be a turn on if it was the hottie I had the pleasure of seeing yesterday."

"You could always come over and find out if it is or isn't. " the voice suggested.

Naruto, hadn't been laid in a few years. And despite the fact he was a man, he was a very horny man which wasn't a good mix. Naruto grabbed his keys and debated on whether or not to actually drive over there.

"So, how do you plan to turn me on?" Naruto asked to keep the conversation going.

"Well, seeing as your voice is lowering I'd say you're already turned on..." A huskier sounding voice sounded in his ear and it sent a pleasure able shiver down Naruto's spine.

They kept the conversation going and Naruto was damn near about to cry from his lack of sexual attention.

"Do you have any lube?" The very sexy voice asked suddenly and Naruto made a somewhat verbal confirmation that he did. "Go get it..."

"Why?"

"Just do it." The voice commanded.

"Alright." Naruto complied and went into his bedroom and got the lube. "Got it."

"Strip down." The voice commanded again.

"Ok..." Naruto said with a hint of amusement to his voice. "Are you planning on having phone sex with me?" Naruto asked kind of humored.

"Something like that." Sasuke answered.

"I haven't done anything like this in years..." Naruto said with a light laugh.

"Are you naked?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes." Naruto answered.

"Ok, now, I'm going to give you a list of things to do and you better do them."

"Alright, I kind like where this is going."

"First, put me on speaker phone."

"No."

"Do it or I'll punish you."

Naruto changed it to speaker phone completely embarrassed. "Done."

"Alright, run your hands up and down your chest..."

Naruto died so shaking his head with a huge smile.

"... Alright now stroke yourself a bit..."

Naruto did so while turning red.

"... Grab the lube... And coat three fingers..."

Naruto looked at the phone with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't bottom." Naruto spoke back to the phone.

"Stop complaining and do it." The voice said a little strained.

Naruto did so. Naruto coated his fingers and flipped around on the bed trying to figure out the easiest way of going about this. He settled for laying on his side slightly and one leg bent. He pushed the first finger in and made a face at the discomfort.

"Did you do it?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah. One." Naruto said uncomfortable.

"Do the other two."

"Why?"

"I said so." The voice finished impatiently.

"Pushy bastard..." Naruto grumbled and pushed a second finger in sucking in a breath and biting his lips and forcing himself to relax.

"Scissor your fingers..."

Naruto did just that and found he kind of liked being told what to do...

After a few moments of scissoring Sasuke told him to add a third. Naruto's face contorted into slight discomfort.

"Alright now get all stretched out." Sasuke spoke.

Naruto did that and just focused on the new feeling of being stretched out. It wasn't horrible, but different. He moved his fingers around until he hit his own prostate and let out a moan. Ok, so maybe bottoming every now and then wouldn't be so bad.

Kyuubi started to bark and Naruto just about got up to murder her.

"Shut up!" Naruto yelled and the dog silenced.

"Well, if that isn't an incredibly sexy sight to see..."

Naruto looked at the phone completely confused to see it was on the home screen. Naruto's head snapped to the door to his bedroom to see Sasuke standing there smirking. Naruto watched as the dark haired pale man sauntered into his room and shut the door. Naruto watched as he unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders and then spun it over his head in a cheap imitation of a stripper. Naruto was mesmerized by the way his muscles moved and watched as the belt and pants came off along with the rest of his clothing. The man climbed onto the bed and over Naruto and stared down at him.

"I'm sure happy that was you on the phone and not some creepy stalker... Which reminds me... How did you get my number?"

"You left it in my mailbox." The man said softly and Naruto found even this guys breath was appealing.

Sasuke bent down and touched his lips to Naruto's and started off as a light kiss and progressed it into one that conveyed urgency and raw desire. Sasuke broke the kiss and grabbed the lube and coated himself and grabbed Naruto's bent knee and put it over his shoulder.

"I'll change your mind about bottoming." Sasuke spoke full of confidence.

"You better... Otherwise your ass will be mine literally. And you better be about 3 fingers." Naruto said seriously.

Sasuke pushed in and forward and Naruto immediately decided that 3 fingers may not be enough since Sasuke was still causing him to stretch. Naruto kept his breathing as even as possible and Sasuke stroked Naruto to keep him relaxed.

Sasuke got all the way in and let Nruto get used to it.

"You... Are a bastard." Naruto breathed out.

"How so?"

"Next time, suggest four."

"Next time... You'll still be stretched from this round." Sasuke said with a smile.

"Wait... What?" Naruto said and Sasuke pulled out and pushed back it slightly increasing it every now and then and shifted around looking for Naruto's prostate. He was getting frustrated when he finally found it. Sasuke swung Naruto's leg over his head putting Naruto onto his stomach and Sasuke thrusted dead on into his prostate.

"Oh god..."

Sasuke lifted Naruto up by the hips and ground into his blonde listened to all the interesting noises his very vocal blonde was making. Sasuke rolled his hips keeping a rhythm fast enough to stimulate both of them pleasurably. Sasuke reach around and massaged the head of Naruto's length while sucking on Naruto's sweaty neck and he alternated into biting his ear lobe.

"How does it feel Naruto?" Sasuke asked huskily through heavy breathing.

"R-really good." Naruto said while shaking slightly.

"Would you bottom again."

"Only for you."

"Good." Sasuke said with a harsh thrust forward.

Sasuke decided it was time to end this first round and got up onto his knees more and started to thrust a bit more bringing Naruto to his finish and following with his own.

"Holy... Fuh... Damn... That was really good."

"Glad you think so." Sasuke said with a laugh that stayed in his chest.

Sasuke pulled out and brought Naruto into his chest.

"By the way. I am not a booty call. If that's what you were planning on turning this into- leave now." Naruto said tiredly.

"I was hoping to turn this into something a little more... Solid. I don't like sharing nor do I like competing for the attention of my partner. So, as of now we can settle with boyfriends and see where this goes?" Sasuke suggested.

Naruto sat up and looked Sasuke over, "just like that? No dinner, no movies no dating. Just boyfriends."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I needed to win my fair lady's heart. Forgive me. How about I make you dinner then?"

Naruto nodded at the suggestion. "Depending on how good of a cook you are decides whether of not we start dating."

"Do I earn point if I cook naked?"

"Yes."

Naruto said and Sasuke shook his head laughing. If this went over well, Sasuke might actually enjoy being in a relationship for a change.

A few weeks passed and Naruto was currently driving Chidori back to Sasuke's. this was becoming a pattern. Chidori would get out, run to Naruto's, try to hump Kyuubi, Naruto would catch him and bring him back to Sasuke's and then proceed to be humped by his boyfriend.

Chidori and Sasuke had very similar mind sets.

Except this time, Naruto was going to rip Sasuke a new one and Chidori had an appointment tomorrow.

Naruto grabbed Chidori by the collar and dragged the dog into the house and slammed the door alerting Sasuke of his presence.

"I figured out how he's been getting out."

"Oh really, do tell."

"He broke the vent under the house and dug a whole out the front into the planter. Essentially, he tunneled his way under the house so to speak."

"Well, bad news for Chidori. Tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. I am coming by and along with you will be going to the vets office and Chidori is losing his balls." Naruto said exasperated.

"Naruto, that's just cruel..."

"I'm going to be a grandpa cause of him! He got my little girl pregnant!"

Sasuke looked down at his dog with pity. "Sorry buddy... If you don't lose yours I have a feeling I will be losing mine..."

Naruto nodded his head confirming that Sasuke would indeed be losing his balls if Chidori didn't lose his.

Naruto let the dog go and walked away muttering about "horny ass dogs and their owners who need to be locked up cause they hump everything once they get out..."

Sasuke smiled after his boyfriend watching him leave..." Naruto, I hate to see you go, but I love watching you leave..." Sasuke bit his lip and planned for some make-up sex tomorrow when he became depressed for his dog loss of manhood.


End file.
